Elevator Pitch, Part 2 of ?????

Okay, it’s time that I take a crack at an elevator pitch for my novel, Shifting Mars’ Sands.  In an earlier post, I explained the purpose of an elevator pitch and highlighted the major points of my novel. 
There are two additional points that I have to keep in mind.  First, I can’t oversell the pitch and not have the story delivery.  That merely wastes everyone’s time and is counterproductive to my goal of selling the novel.  Second, it has to be written conversationally so that I can memorize it and say it without tripping over my own tongue.
So below, is my first stab at it. 
Gretchen, a young Earth archaeologist, is hired by Frank, who represents a struggling Mars company, to decipher symbols in a cave with hopes that they lead to a power source. While doing so, they must traverse corporate politics and industrial espionage. In the midst of all of this, they discovery a centuries old buried city, meet its caretaker, and strike a bargain of a lifetime.
I think it’s a good start.  It needs more pop.  Feel free to send suggestions in the comments.  I’ll post a revised version in the future.
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